My sister Michelle was 7 yrs older than me and I thought she was so cool. Michelle was my dad's daughter from a previous marriage but that never seemed to matter, she was my sister all the same. When I was a little girl and would get in an argument with my mom, I would tell her that I was going to go live with my "other mother" because I wanted to be just like Michelle. I grew older and my sister became a teenager, I desired to be just like her. I wanted to have my hair feathered (Farah Fawcett hair) just like Michelle and was always thrilled when she would bring her cheer leading pom poms with her and let me use them. Michelle would even teach us the cheers, which made her visits even more special in my eyes. Michelle was my big sister and I loved her. I remember my parents taking pictures as Michelle stood in our living room in a beautiful pink gown with her boyfriend Billy before leaving for her senior prom. I remember the day I decided that when I was old enough, I wanted a black Trans Am with a T-top just like hers to drive.
I also remember the day my parents were awakened in the night with a phone call that my sister had been in a terrible car accident. I remember my mom telling us girls the next morning that my sister was in a coma and praying that she would be OK. Michelle awakened from the coma but had months of recovery ahead. Michelle lived and spent months in a brace that was screwed into her head to protect her neck while it healed. Michelle spent months learning to eat, walk and just do other basic skills. Michelle fully recovered from that accident.
Then on Nov 2, 1991 my parents received a phone call that forever altered our lives. Michelle had been in another car accident but this time she would not survive. The car she was in, hit some ice on an off ramp from 1-80 to Tooele and went into the freezing cold water of the Great Salt Lake. The days following that call are not very clear but a few very distinct moments stand out. I remember being at Michelle's funeral and hearing our bishop say that he knew my sister was happy and that she had been reunited with her brother who would teach her about the gospel. See, I also have an older brother Troy who died at birth. If Troy had lived he would have turned 19 just a month before my sister's passing. I have no doubt that his mission was to come to earth, gain a body and return to Heavenly Father so that when the time came, he could greet my sister and share with her the gospel. I can remember my ex-wife Lynette, leaning over her casket begging her to come home. I was thankful at that time for the knowledge my parents had given me that I would see my sister again. I remember walking out of the funeral home behind the casket to see Jon standing in the parking lot, a nervous teenage boy wondering what to say. I remember him wrapping his arms around me in a hug and knowing that he was placed in my life at such a special time.
I miss my sister all the time. I wonder if she is proud of the woman I have become. I wonder what kind of aunt she would be to my children and what things we would share if she were still here. My beautiful daughter Lexi is named after my sister. When Lexi was born Nov 2 we gave her the middle name of Michelle. Lexi's birth brought joy to what was previously a sad day. Recently I found out that my dad had been given permission to have Michelle sealed in the temple to him and my mom. I am looking forward to the day that we go as a family to the temple to preform this ordinance. I love you Michelle!!!!!
I read this in my email today, I couldnt comment until I got home, but I wanted you to know how this day affected me. I remember that day, going to my friend Jason's house, to borrow a tie. His mom was there and loaned a black tie to me. I spent about two hours trying to tie it but it just wouldnt come out right. I was so very nervous as to what I could possibly say to you about the loss of your sister. We had been hanging out and dating for a while and I was convinced you were impervious to emotions. I remember walking up the stairs of the mortuary just as they were letting out. I remember shaking your dad's hand and offering him my condolences, however ridiculous they may have been from a 17 year old boy. I remember you coming out, walking down the stairs and directly at me. You began to cry immediately as soon as I hugged you and I had no words for the moment or anything that followed. It was at that moment that I realized you were not only human and had emotions, but that you were fallible and susceptable to the challenges of this world. It truly humanized you that day and you went from an arms-length friend to someone I just knew I loved and wanted to be important to.
ReplyDeleteIn the years since I have learned that you are able to table your emotions to the outside world. I think very few people know how truly sensitive you are, how these and other things affect you. I know how things have hurt your delicate feelings and how lucky I feel to be what seems to be the only one privy to that side of you. I love being your best friend. I have hurt you at times trying to evoke a response just to see if you cared. I am learning so much about you now and how I have misunderstood you for a very long time. I enjoy the different layers of your personality and how you reserve your true persona for those only in your close personal circle. I am honored to be a part of that circle and so very thankful that I have been able to know what very few if any others will ever know.
I love you and am so thankful for all that you bring to my life. I am unashamed to write it here. I work at it constantly to better understand who I am, who you are, and how we can better work together to be what we can be.
Additionally I too look forward to returning to the temple with you, perhaps even this week and enjoying the long awaited solace that I think we so desperately need. I love you, and I learn so much about you when I'm able to read as I have today what is in your heart and mind.
Thank you.
I didn't know you had a sister die. I couldn't imagine not having the gospel during a time like that. When my little brother died it felt like our family would never be the same, and it isn't. I know it never will be. I'm so happy for you that she will be sealed to your family. When we went through the temple for Derek it was as very special and emotional experience. It somehow put some closure to his death knowing we could still do something for him here.
ReplyDeleteI also like her mom...she spelled "Lynnette" right!!!