Freedom at a cost

This morning I had the opportunity to help put out flags for a Soldier that is deploying.  I was about 10 minutes late, stinky and sweaty from my workout.  I pulled onto the street and was immediately greeted by the flags that had already been placed.  The street was so beautiful, there are no words to describe the emotions it stirred inside me.  After visiting with neighbors for a bit I returned home feeling noticeably sad.  I felt sadness for that military family knowing the tough months and year that were ahead of them.  I went about my day realizing the sadness I felt was still right at the surface and  I began to remember a lot of the emotions I felt when Jon was deployed to Iraq.  A deployment never comes at a good time for any military family and ours was no exception.  When Jon deployed, we had sold our home in Tooele and we were living in my parents basement desperately trying to find a house to move into.  It was when the housing market was in the favor of the seller and homes were going for more than their appraisal value.  We finally relented and decided to build, knowing that we would not be in the home before Jon had to leave.  Jon left in August and I was able to move into the house in October.  The day he left, I found myself a single mother of a 5 yr old son, 3 yr old daughter and 8 month old daughter, I felt so intimidated.  I can remember silently worrying that baby Izzy might not get the opportunity to really know her dad.  I remember feeling sadness the day Josh started Kindergarten knowing Jon would miss an opportunity that only comes once.  It is hard to hold back tears when your young son is upset that his dad is not there for the big day.  Things you take for granted,  suddenly seem so very important as you progress through those months with a tentative date of a joyful reuniting with your loved one.  You quickly realize that an unexpected knock at the door or strange car in the driveway can bring terror to your heart.  I remember holding my children at different times as they worried about Jon's safety and how much they missed him.  I never realized how devastating it is for a child to live without a parent for a period of time until the day I found myself trying to comfort my own children.  I sometimes wonder if families who choose divorce would still go back and make that same decision if they knew the effects it would have on their children.  Would they just try a little harder to make things work?  I could fill pages with the birthdays and important days missed but some of those memories are just a little to close to my heart.  I think military families experience something similar the PTSD that Soldiers experience.  I have noticed that certain songs still stir emotions about that time, in myself and my children.  When Jon was deployed our opportunity to communicate came in the form of chatting on the computer.  There was such a difference in time that I would leave the volume of the computer on as loud as possible because when Jon would sign on, it would make a dinging sound.  That little ding would flood me with such joy knowing I would get the opportunity to talk to him and also relief that for one more day or week he was safe.  There have been times when I have heard that same ding and relived all of those emotions.  They never go away but  always remain as a reminder of that difficult trial our family went through and how much it prepared us for an even greater trial that would come later. Along with all the difficult emotions come extreme emotions of joy as you think about the time that some kind neighbor left a Christmas tree decorated in patriotic colors and a box of presents on your front door.  The smiles on my children's faces will be forever imprinted on my mind.  You remember that kind neighbor who would shovel your driveway at times and ease your burden.  It is a kind smile from a home teacher or neighbor who just gave your sick child a blessing and the peace the Spirit brings.  Then you remember the kindness people willingly showed towards your family and the prayers that were offered for a safe return of your husband.  There were friendships formed during Jon's deployment with other military families that hold a special place in my heart  because I know they faced the same challenges I did.  Looking back, I can say I am thankful for Jon's deployment.  I am thankful for the strength I gained.  I am thankful that my faith in humanity were restored. I learned that people in this world are kind  because they care about you, and aren't just kind for their own selfish reasons.  I am thankful for the strength it has given my children and the compassion they show towards others as a result of the trials they faced.  I am thankful for the my testimony that was strengthened and the knowledge that I have of a loving Heavenly Father who knows me, his daughter, and there is no trial that I can not defeat with his help.  I am thankful for the knowledge I have that God's plan is centered around families and he has provided a way for families to be together even after death. 
My heart will continue to be with the Koyle family as they face this deployment and everything that it may bring. 

I have enclosed a few pictures from the day Jon returned home because it was such a incredible day.